Striving for the View

So I have been thinking lately, that it would be in my best interest to keep a solid record of my thoughts, views, personal struggles, achievements and Epiphanies. I am 27 and I feel like an old woman in a sense. I read more than I party, I am set in my ways, but I am choosing to change. Last year was a traumatic roller coaster ride, that forced me to sit back and examine my life, the choices and decisions I have made that have got me to this point. I cant say that I am proud of everything I have done... or lack thereof.

I have always lived my life leading with my heart.... Even when I knew that there would be consequences I would suffer, I have tried to do what i thought was right(in most cases). I choose the name Scatterbrained because a friend and I had a conversation about if she were to write an autobiography she would title it Scatterbrained, because the weight of her actions never struck a cord until she was living with the consequences. That title stuck with me because I feel that I am the type of person who goes on emotion first and then sits down and contemplates the situation after I have already set the wheels in motion.

Since last year I had to re-evalute my situation/lifestyle etc.. this year I am going to attempt to start to change the flaws in me. To become the woman I know I should be.. Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at your ass, when you are attempting to do beter. Not little inconveniences but big ass obstacles you have to navigate with care. I started the year with my usual goals. go back to school, quit smoking, be a lil more selfish......

Now going back to school was my first goal to attack..I figured I could handle a couple of classes easily.... Shiiiitttttt... 5 years is a long time to be out of school... I tackled my freshmen year in college and left due to demand on the job thinking I will just take a short semester break... I kept pushing it off, when I realized in July I have been out of High School for 10 years. 10 fucking years....Thats was a reality check. I need to get my shit together quick fast and in a hurry...

I always knew I would go to college, I just didn't expect it to happen at my ripe old age...lol... I figured my life would be a lot different. But I made some sacrifices for the people in my life that pushed my goals to the side(another blog). Hindsight is a muthafucka... I think back and wished I would have made my goals part of my daily life rather than getting wrapped up in the day to day drama that bombards us all. Well no point in harping over shit that cant be changed.. just my thoughts for the day